Searching

Searching all around
with an uneasy heart
racing pounding like a waterfall
and perspiring palms
unable to feel peace within
I search all around

Searching the low's and the high's
my eyes wonder
flickering like the fire
moving like the air
never stopping once
I search all around

Can't go on forever like this
searching inside the soul
and amidst the nature
I search all around
for the stability,
that doesn't come too easy...

What's It Gonna Be: A Life-jacket or an Alligator?

It’s been a while and I am not really back on my feet, as yet. THAT is a record in itself…you would know if you knew me. Life is a bloody place…any place…it has roads that take turns and twists and then you take a left only to realize that right was the way to go…Damn!

Don’t get me wrong. I never wished to know the path to my destination; I mean why would I want to know the path when I am clueless about the destination? However, I have this weird habit of knowing where I am headed. Maybe that gives me a sense of familiarity enough or a feeling of having control over things. Now this is even weirder since I like being spontaneous. Like falling in love and then getting to know the real person. Somehow, life has over taken my vehicle…well, I was always bad at driving, wasn’t I?

For once I am clueless about where to go and am looking for GPRS activated road maps but can’t find them. There’s been just so many changes on the path, which were completely out of my control. Like when government finally decides to do renovation of the road that you take to office everyday and that makes you getting stuck in jams for no fault of yours. It feels like the same thing. Now that the road has finally been constructed, I don’t know where to go or which path to follow any more. And what is M-O-S-T annoying is that THIS is not how I, ME, MESH eva felt…this is so wrong! I am always in control and been declared the official agony aunt, the one who knows answers to everything and has sorted her life, knows what to do and does it even when the times are tough. But this is beyond me. It simply is.

Facebook is a farce. Nothing but a farce. A clever disguise I put on each day and put up status messages which are not so much meant for people to think that I am still the same insane devil but it is more an attempt to make me feel that things are still the same; that I am still in control.

Time is running out and I guess that makes me even more nervous. Like, I am getting all lost. Crap. This is so NOT me!

Could there be any which way to bring my life back on track? Maybe I know the answer. But the same thing which I perhaps need to give up is one of the dearest to me right now. The only thing I am hanging onto to stay afloat…just need to figure out if it’s a life-jacket or an alligator pulling me down.

And I Am Back!

Satan Queen is back and with vengeance! The sprit that I am usually known for, unlike yesteryears, is now slightly comforted. However, that in no way means that I am unable to go on a bashing spree! In fact, if the gods be believed I have emerged slightly more determined.

The past few months that I was away from the blogosphere has taught me a handful of things or rather the realization is stronger than before.

Here’s what life and few barefaced people taught me-

• Niceness is not always met with an equal and opposite reaction

• The same rule is applied in equal proportion to the recently popular trait (thanks to the daily soap, sach ka samna’) called ‘honesty’

• God is not always fair and that not everything happens for good

• Yes, Yes, Yes! It is the era when ram went to take a hike and ravana settled comfortably in his place

I know I sound completely unlike the usual ol’ optimistic me, but then again I am going through a very different phase of life. Having said all that, I can’t really leave the ‘whole of me’ behind. So, I am going to go globe trotting, in a way that will give a completely new meaning to the phrase, and put the puzzle back in place…After all, Satan Queen ain't gonna give up so easy! ;)

The Longest Journey to Home

The ride back to Vasant Kunj had never been this long or tiring. My hand shaking for no apparent reason – I am still 22 so I am yet to see that side of the age – as I tried to limply puff up the ultra mild I was carrying. One after another. And then more. A blank mind is nothing new to an experienced Libran, yet that day it was. It felt as if my mind was playing games with me. It would recollect the events of barely few minutes back and then suddenly go blank. Tears trickling down my cheeks. I was lost. For the first time I could realize how the meaning of life is exaggerated, how little problems are blown out of proportion. And again the thoughts would take a round turn back to horrific event…

A loud bang. Followed by numerous thoughts in a minuscule second, “Did a CNG cylinder burst or is it…was it …could it be…a bomb blast?” A hot sting on my right leg as I was still trying to comprehend things. Couldn’t care less about it. Heart beating a thousand beats in a minute as I spin around only to find a cloud of smoke greet me. Suddenly the busy streets of GK M block turned into a sight from a nightmare. Besides a few people trickling here and there, nothing else was visible to my sight. Mind was still unable to comprehend anything, i.e. till the time I saw a young man running along with a girl, holding hands. Immediately as if waiting for this exact cue, bees started buzzing around. These human bees though belonging to varied caste, culture and creed, had the same expression tattooed their faces — that of fear and helplessness.

Someone yelled, “a girl is hurt. Her leg is bleeding.” Instantly my head did a swift 360 degree spin to search for her. I will skip this part…it is better to delete certain parts from ones memory for the sake of heart.

I knew there would have been casualties. Perplexed, one leg wanted to rush while the other wanted to turn towards the smoke and see if any help was required. Finally, I gathered all courage I could muster up from the core of my totally freaked out heart. At that very moment, fear and strength intermingled inside me as I briskly made my way through the smoke. I looked all around but couldn’t see anyone. Finally I turned back and walked out of the market. I didn’t run. I still can’t imagine that I didn’t run. Maybe my legs were not in sync with my brain! Could still see people rushing around. A father holding the hand of his daughter and the mother quickly in tow with the young son was running to safety.

The entire lane wherein one could see people haggling with the auto rickshaw drivers was looking like a lane straight out of a horror flick. I reached inside my pocket and tried to call my mother to tell her that she will have to shell out money for my marriage after all! Lines, needless to say, were jammed. I knew I had to leave that place, so I started walk. The numb mind couldn’t distinguish one lane from another. I continued walking, going wherever my legs would take me. Frantic calls from office, friends and home had started coming by then. My shopping trips are way too well known.

Sitting in the auto with salt covered cheeks I was thinking about destiny and the role it plays. I had gone to GK M block 2 days back to shop. Instead of just a pair of jeans that I originally wanted, I ended up blowing way too much moolah there. Armed with a zillion bags, I forgot my own bag at the shop. The next day office work begged me not to go to GK. Finally, I decided to collect the bag from GK on Sat and meet my friend after that. Turned out that I had to go and work on an e-mailer that was seriously screwed. Work on an off day! As a result went to GK later than I had decided. My friend, who as a strict rule doesn’t work even during the weekdays, decided to complete his office work and meet me at 7 p.m. I, thus, had ample time to roam around GK. Destiny wanted me to be there but God helped me come out of it safe…well almost.

Once back at my friends place (he drove at a speed of over 100 and he’s not a regular biker guy!) we chewed on whatever we could and I slept after checking on my family and friends.

The next day when I finally was able to smoke without my hand shaking, I realized that my leg was bleeding. 2 deep cuts and a swollen leg.

I am yet to shrug off the weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I laugh now but that day has definitely left behind a sadness that I am unable to wipe off. I have heard time is the biggest healer – hopefully it will heal the void I feel inside me now. I was lucky but there were numerous others who were not. So I move on for there is nothing that I can do now. At times I kick myself for not being courageous enough to go deeper into the smoke to help others. I learnt that it is better to just do the right thing without giving it a second thought. I don’t want to ever regret anything.

This one incident taught me more than not to go for frequent shopping trips; not to fill gas in a lighter( I could have been at prince pan shop had I not got frustrated of numberless guys there); and that silver jewelry is way better than junk jewelry. Delhi blasts taught me that life is too short to hold grudges; it is too short to worry about future; that it is too short to not profess love to the ones we truly care about. So, I am a self proclaimed casanova now! Spreading love!...just kidding! At times it is important to just laugh.

A Thing...called as Precaution...

Indian government is going hoarse talking about the importance of using condoms. 'Do it after the age of 18...and with CONDOMS! Yah! We are listening. Go on. ' It's 99% safe. So what about the rest 1% of risk? Pat comes the reply, don't have premarital sex! Ah! The agony of life...not for me but for most! :P

I can't resist doing a bit of plagiarism here..I will make a pout and say,"Honey, its inspiration" and hope the cute pout works and you believe me! Anyways there is this sms that I got from a friend. You know if you wanna have completely safe sex then try this- Have sex with not one bubble on but two! Yah, thats true. To be ultra safe, try this- Between the 2 bubbles apply some red chilli powder..if the inner breaks, the girl will know and if the out one breaks, the guy will know. Result? You get plenty of time to make amends and hopefully, if you are the super h***y types or if the damsel in question is ouch, so hot, you can start off again! Now, only if the medical dept. of India would have thought of such nice ways to prevent pregnancy! But then again, not all can be as smart as me ( or as modest!)!

Anyways, the reason I started scribbling this post was not because I had this sudden urge to 'make love' but because of an incident that transpired in the morning. My invisible wings have finally found new life...I have moved out of house and found a place closer to my workplace. Pretty cool, eh? Saturday, 10:10 a.m. was definitely the most inauspicious time. The night before, it had rained crazy and the wind was blowing like a maniac. Needless to say, when I was stepping down the stairs the garbage from the previous day had spread lazily on the stairs. Wasn't much, for we don't cook at home. By 'we' I don't mean my hot fantasy guy but my flatmate.

So, anyways, as luck would have it -- her luck! *chuckle* -- she pointed towards the tissue papers and stuff spread on the stairs. Honestly I couldn't care less. I mean, seriously WTF!Its plain garbage and the lady will come and take it away! I have better things to worry about...like the non-existence of hot, yummilicious guys in office or in the vicinity! Just as she pointed towards that specific tissue in question, the poor chap had a friend sitting besides it and quiet proudly I must say!
Yes, people, it was a CONDOM! ta da!!! Now, I have not been getting naughty or even slightly lucky...so you get the picture.

My poor flatmate, the brave (and repulsive, idiotic, pathetic, disgusting, detestable, execrable, raunchy, odious, repugnant, abhorrent, obscene, lewd, abominable, hideous, repulsive, salacious and blah blah blah) girl that she is, she went on about the lazy lady who had better work to do than come clean our garbage at night! Why, the lady wasnt even considerate enough about our poor stairs and my flatmate! She should have come running at 11:00 p.m. to take away our garbage for it was windy. Such are the ruthless people in this world. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.....endless sigh's...Yawn.

The used bubble was sitting there like a proud owner of the stairs, or actually the house. I couldn't help but scrutinize it as I was 'cuming' down the stairs. (Damn I can snort when I laugh! Fuck!). The innocent looking light pinkish thing. And then I saw the disgusting thing floating inside it. Yuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk! Enough! Time to move on!!!

This incident made my few grey cells to work overtime...they are fewer left now, thanks to that sublime sight. Bubbles are for precaution. Lot of people use them. Well, in India its a different story all together. How else would you justify the buses swarming with people or the metros too even for that matter? Yesterday only I was talking to a hot office friend about the plight of metros...men trying desperately to push against your butt or anywhere else for that matter. Sex education is badly needed in schools. Why else would they push against all the wrong places? Someone tell them that female body is not covered with holes all over for gods sake! I am definitely not suggesting that they push/touch/feel somewhere else though!

Getting back to the main point, when people can use bubbles as they would rather use precaution than worry later, why can't they take as much precaution in disposing them? Next time on, do thy neighbor a favor, dispose them properly!

Anyways, the innocent pink plastic is still sleeping on the stairs of our house hoping to be re-used again. I am wondering if someone would be kind enough to clean it up before I reach back home at night. Hence the post!

For all the good things but mostly the bad

This one is scribbled by a friend of mine...I am posting it here on her behalf...

For all the good things but mostly the bad
I still have a person hidden inside my heart
He seems to care not for me
It sure does make sense too
For all for the good things but mostly the bad

A curve leads all the way across my little blue cheeks
Holding that hand which is worth the endless week

I know deep inside that its not gonna work
pronounce me as right or even as wrong
but my feelings remain just as strong
For all the good things but mostly the bad
I still have a person hidden inside my heart

The Journey

The days of glory gone past
Or are they truly yet to arrive
Running past the unknown crowd
Few faces familiar to the falling lids
Clasping the arms of a stranger
I brushed past another lot

The shadows close by
Trying to hide their existence
Reality of birth intermingled with fear
I shed light on my path
Ample sheath of pain and tears
Drowning away the agony of the future

I chose to stay ahead of the lover and the priest
The unknown territory my carved out niche
Rum mingled with fear, I drink it all
Brush past the daily trials with faith and nudging dread
The love of journey and craze of the destination
Keeps my adrenalin at an all time high

Being Satan Queen

Blame my irregular posts on writers block or my usual busy schedule at office or my innate laziness...but the fact remains that I have been unusually irregular...for a long long long time now. Well I have been doing a considerable amount of thinking all this while. So this is what I figured out about myself...out in the open for the world to see and love hate or despire or simply to admire the satan queen :P

Things that have earned me a good name...there aren't many and it took a lot of time to even figure out these-

* Sincere at work. No kidding at this one! Work my ass off...with a little help from small fag breaks...keeps the brain alive and running.
* Equality is the motto! If you are breathing you are worth respecting. Give respect get respect.
* The freaking heart looks harsh and strong but I can bet my ass that I will be the only one standing when the entire world turns it back on you. Literally. Try me. Did someone say mum'z d word?! ass!!!
* Doubt my capability. Which helps ensure that I give my best but is quiet a pain too...
* My silly sense of humor...maybe its over-ranked because people that I'm surrounded with are duds!...saweeee!
* Kick-ass attitude. Yup I can wrestle with ya or do you prefer a word game?...I'm still gonna win...

So much for self-praise...now comes the dirty stuff!

What lands me in trouble?

* The heart refuses to not to love people...even though I have realized that people at work can not neccessarily be termed as friends...im working on this one...
* Fight for those who don't speak up for themselves. It's a different thing that they get a long lecture on self esteem later on from me! Nevertheless it does not neccessarily earns me a good name...but then again...who cares!
* Find it hard to say No! Did someone say working till late night???!@#$@#@!%
* Too easy to win me over...few caring words...little consideration or mayb loads of it...and I love you already! Fake praise however will take you nowhere!

What gives birth to my famous ( or shall I say not-so-famous) temper?

* Liars! lie and you are dead before you can realize it!
* Hypocrites. Don't like me? It's awlrite...the feeling is mutual. But good that you were honest about it or else read the point mentioned above!
* Selfishness...uhuhmmm....I have done the world a lot of good...there aren't many selfish people I know...maybe thats because I have been hunting them and killing them :)
* Eve teasers. Not worth talking about. The famous incident about me kicking a guy is still ripe in my memory...bet its gonna remain ripe in his memory and yours too.
* MCP or male chauvinistic pigs! Fine you can piss while standing but is there anything else that you can do that a girl can't do...and that too equally good if not better? Knowledegable enough to know the existence of the word "EQUALS"???
* When a stronger or more powerful person takes advantage of their position to do wrong to someone whose not in a position to stand up for their right.

How do I calm my temper?

* Abuses. Some scientific theory states that abusing is good for health and I was always a fitness freak...
* Kicking...punching...whatever...you need some explanation for it because i can give a hands-on experience in this one...i believe in spreading the knowledge and what better way to learn than a practical lesson?
* Usually the above two work well enough. So never really had to think of a third way to calm down. I'm a simple girl ;)

What turns me on?

* Intelligence. Not good looking but got the brains...bring it on!
* Great dressing sense. Uhuhm....i know clothes are usually meant to be taken off but if they look great then its even better! ( don't ya dare judge me!!!)
* Power. It has a funny turn-on ability. You don't have to be the prime minister! If you are well admired in your field...its good enough.
* Amazing dancer? Chances are I am already ogling at you!

Important note- All right now, before your dirty mind starts moving in the wrong direction refer to second last point of "what gives birth to my famous temper"!

Is the insanity associated with satan queen justified? Maybe, maybe not...read on and make up your mind.

* I can be agonizingly indecisive especially while shopping. Give me two shirts of same color size pattern and I will still take minimum of 15 minutes to select one. ( If you are thinking I'm crazy...then yes im a little insane but helloooo! I gotta check for any defects! obviously!)...but this otherwise troublesome habit has ensured that mostly I don't have to regret the decisions that I have made.
* Yet I can be quiet impulsive. It takes a fraction of a second for me to abuse a person whose doing wrong...and not neccessarily to me.
* I'm a brave sould. Not that I don't get scared but I can overcome the feeling and take the plunge. Quiet strong as my friends put it.
* I can abuse shout and kick people and win the fight against those who are doing wrong. Once back home in my room...i do shed a tear or two...ok ...maybe more...what the fck!!!
* Lastly...I'm a girl whose actually a boy...gets attracted to guys yet am straight...

Confused? Dont be! At the end of the day im a girl whose as strong as any guy is...ambitious( Does climbing a tree counts as reaching new heights?)...workoholic ( gives this wierd satisfaction...can't help being one)...laughs like there is not tommorow ( saying that I laugh like a hyena would be appropriate)...Dance at the slightest reflection of music ( shake your booty baby!who cares if I'm not as good as britney or shakira! shake it nywayz...!)...little random maybe because I got too many thoughts (ah! work again!)...indianized version of agony aunt( read love guru!)for close friends...yes yes honey we will discuss you love life after this blog post is over...

Well, thats about it for now....and you thought its easy being Satan Queen! Phew!

Load Full Of Bullshit!

Hello guys...I wrote this one randomly for some creative writing community on orkut...no thought went into it..as is evident..just a fun filled exercise to water my otherwise dried brain cells. Criticism is welcome...for I'm aware of the quality of this one..but ooo just writing this was so much fun!!! Anyways...here goes...


Don't use your brains
if your aint got some
don't try to speak
when your aint got words

don't gimme bullshit
coz it aint gonna work

life might give you a raw deal
or your luck might be bathing in the rain with my cars wheel
losing might be your second name
and tears your best friend

but don't dare gimme bullshit
coz it aint gonna work...i swear it aint gonna work

bullshit, satan queen

An Angel

Dejection sitting on my doorstep
And pain waiting by my bed
To make love to me
Standing alone I wondered
Pathless and aimless
Where to turn to
To whom to rely on

Time wont stop for none
It wont for me either
Chaos all around
Order broken at various junctions
Standing alone I wondered
Pathless and aimless
Where to turn to
To whom to rely on

My life in a mess
With nowhere to turn to
Finding myself like a rocky shore
Distanced from the world
Standing alone I wondered
Pathless and aimless
Nowhere to turn to
To whom to rely on

I found an angel
Innocent of all evils
Sublime in his love
Blurred suddenly became clear
No more was I alone
I found the path and the aim
And he became someone
To whom I could turn to
To whom I could rely on…

As I Stand Alone

Enclosed by an unknown darkness
Scared, breathing heavily and watery eyed
I close my eyes

A sudden lurch of heart
Panting like a marathon runner
Struggling to keep up

Fighting against all odds
Dryness fast taking over my mouth
Suffocating, a deep sigh escapes from deep within

Running in the unknown land
Among known strangers
I pace up

The need to arrive somewhere
Where to remains unknown

Tiny droplets of water
Falling in symphony
As I open my eyes, scared

Enclossed by an unknown darkness
Scared,breathing heavily and watery eyed

The void seeps in
Taking over my entire being
As I stand alone
In the midst of known strangers...

The Unruly Delhi Girls

Fastidious,head strong, cunning, loud mouthed, groovy....Don't worry I'm not trying to remember different words from the dictionary. These words and more ( I can line up a long que!) are ideally used as synonimous with ' delhi girls'. Chances are if you belong to some state other than Delhi you too might have at times associated one of such words or a host of them with delhi chicks( yup..chicks is universally referred to girls but delhi girls have got the privilidge to be solely called as chicks too.).

What inspired me to write a blog was an account that transpired a few days ago. One my of close guy buddies who was looking ...well dishearted finally confessed that his girl friend of barely a year or so is doubting uhumm... my relations with him.

The disheartened guy " yaar...she thinks there is something going on between us. I have tried explaining things to her but to no avail."

Me, completly taken aback, yet trying to act like an agony aunt " oh! why! Didn't you tell her that I'm in a serious relationship for over 3 years now...I'm as good as married for heaven sake! " All right...the line " im almost married" was clearly an exaggeration but 3 years is not a small time frame. Isn't it illogical to doubt someone whose in a long distance relationship thats lasted an eternity? Even if its a long distance relationship?

Anyways, the disheartened guy " I did tell her all that...but....."

Me, now curious more than anything " What did she have to say to that? She doesn't believe that I'm in a relationship or what?"

The disheartened guy " Well...its not that...its just...let it be..."

Me, curiosity taking its toll on me now " Come out with it.Tell me now."

Finally after a round of coaxing that seemed to last till eternity he says" Well she says that she trusts me but not you.She says she doesn't trust 'DELHI GIRLS'."

Well what in the name of the lord did she mean by that! Temper rising inside me as if I was slowly transforming into a lioness...the sharp teeth are on...next comes the edgey claws and voiola! I'm ready to make the kill!

Well I didn't say anything to my already disheartened friend about his disillusioned girl friend. But that really did got me thinking. I have come across couple of other situations where people seem to generalise the 'delhi girls' as being fastidious, clever, cunning and what not! True there are girls like that in delhi...but then aren't these girls in other parts of India too. Fine there number might be more in Delhi but there is a reason for it.

The reason is the society, the people around us and thE way they behave. Delhi girls are judged on everything starting from the way they dress up to the way they speak english to the way they walk to the way they are open about their views to making male friends. If you happen to be a delhi girl and for some unfortunate reason had to visit some other state...god forbid! All my sympathies with you ladies! They are metted out same behavious as is given to foreigners...dupe them, use them and throw them like paper napkins. Thats what the general perception is about them. I think it has got more to do with the fact that they reside in a metropolitan than residing in Delhi.

Did I hear someone say Unity in diversity? Bullshit! When people can't even treat the female crowd belonging to the capitla of the country as equals, who are they to talk about unity?

The way we, the Delhi girls are is due to the exposure of western culture here...No not the exposure to the girls but to the men folk out here. It is difficult for a girl to be docile, meek and submissive ...in short be the haanji ma ji kinds!.... if they want to survive in a state like delhi.

Ever bothered to check the number of rape cases in the capital? Ever faced the ongoing eve teasing while travelling in buses or for that matter even while standing in the balcony of your own house? Life for 'Delhi girls' is not easy. It's about survival of the fittest. You gotta roar to shu away the unwanted people who are there only to create bad news for you.

Anyways whats wrong with the way the delhi girls are? People ( or should i say MCP's...male chuvinistic pigs!) seem to think that they are not lady like. How can you expect a delhi girl to behave like a chandigarh's behnji when the scenario in delhi is completely different and Anywyas who has given the meaning to the word 'lady'? One of my friends have raised 'the lady issue' in her blogs too. I quiet agree with her. If standing up for her rights or speaking her mind is not considered lady like...then be it. I'm elated to be called unlady like!( Though my male friends beg to disagree on this one!)

Delhi Girls...you rock! Keep up the unruly, unladky like behavior!

Steer Away...New Rebel On The Block!

It's almost 5 in the morning now. After my daily midnight tryst with the dog that keeps hanging around in my locality...I should have gone off to sleep like other day but somehow today I just can't seem to even lie down without getting this unexplainable restlessness and heaviness in the brain ( which is far more wierd since i have a serious lack of it!). Even tried listening to all kinds of music from Maroon 5 to 'ahista' by Pankaj Udas to 'sutta' by Zeest to 'tere mere milan' from Abhimaan movie. Finally couldn't help but switch the computer back on to give my thoughts a new form...in the form of words.

There are times when we have everything that we need for a comfortable existence and yet there is a null...a void...that seems to linger somewhere in the background which you are unable to push away from sight. It simply refuses to go. It stays in the background and like a little nagging child( or even an adult! )keeps jumping infront of your other thoughts until you can take it no more. It is times like this that make me realise the true worth of my regular dose of the little black bottle and the wonder drug which evaporates into the thin air in the form of tiny white clouds taking the shape of innumerable little angels...angels for sure...since it takes me to the a different world...one which i call paradise. Paradise it is for sure because I don't need noone there, just me and my solitude and it feels like I have achieved nirvana! Who would have thought achieving nirvana was this simple...So much for the uncountable years of prayer! ;)

I feel a change in me. A definite change. When i say that change is the only thing constant , I'm not stating some unknown scientific funda.Everyone is aware of it. There are times when we realise that we are changing and at other times its more of a slow and subtle change which makes it hard for us to acknowledge the fact that it has taken place..but it does.

This is precisely the 3rd time in my life when i can understand that I'm chaning..and for the better.Isn't change always for the better? Maybe or maybe not. But thats a different discussion all together. So coming back to where i drifted from, what i feel different is that I have become more of a rebel...no not the kinds whose out there to abuse, give a damn about the world and ensure that the world knows about it in half decent clothing kinds!

Im more of a decent rebel. One who wants her freedom and doesn't want numerous questions nagging her all the time. I seem to have become averse to the very sight of a question mark! Notice how many times i use an exclamation...even when there is a need of a question mark! lolz. All i need is to be a free bird who can fly away to whereever she wants. I'm not there to harm anyone. I can never do that. But let me be by myself. Make my own path, follow my dreams no matter how tacky or unachievable they may seem to anyone, do my own thing without fearing about the implications of it. Is that wrong? I don't want to even think if its wrong or not...all my life thats what i have been doing. Weighing everything before even taking a step...I told you being a libran has big time disadvantages.

Coming down to calling myself a rebel. I call myself one simply because I'm tired of trying to live according to the norms set by the so called "society". My life will be lived on my terms...Take it or leave it. Might lose couple of people i care about but I am willing to risk that. For the first time in my entire life ( 21 years is not small deal dude!..ya ya i know you are older than me...is that good? ;) !) I'm not thinking. Those who love me will be with me no matter what anyways...I'm testing you my friend! ;)

I'm driving my own car...enjoying the journey...not following any road map for christ sake!...taking the unknown feared path...the forbidden path ...atleast I will find the answers to everything... after all I have always been inquisitive!

An Encounter That Was't Meant To Be...

I have witnessed something that is sure to make anyone go insane...I'm already insane so I'm saved and could therefore give a true narration of this unbelievable account that took place some days ago. It took me a few days to truly believe it for myself that this was for real. STATUTORY WARNING :Read further only if you are not a heart patient, sensitive at heart or are preg.

Like always I was going back home after a day's hard work which was enough to make a pig sweat. pig..salami..mmm..sorry...was about to lose track..focus focus focus here damn it( this is one of the side effects that this strange encounter had on me).So anyways, as i was siting lazily in the cab about to drift off to o my sweet sleep, this wierd looking bird came and perched on the seat next to me. I think it was a bird but can't be sure...it had a definite resemblance to a parrot. One can't possibly miss the big round eyes and the face that seemed to thrust forward from the neck.

I'm a bird lover so in other circumstance i would probably would have felt delighted on seeing one. But this was no ordinary bird. It looked at me with those big round hovering eyes as if about to make the kill. My mind must have given some kind of a signal to the entire body for i unconsciously shifted back..as if I wanted to open the door and run without looking back, my hands flying in all directions...to save my dear life!

Then all of a sudden the pleasant weather began to shift uncomfortably too... clouds started gathering on the darkning sky as if trying to warn me of the bad omen.Mind you this is no 666 omen...I could have handled that..but no this one is far worse. Enough to make the satan sweat...I'm just the satan queen for pete sake!


Help me someone..help...o god...the side effects are making me go dizzy just from recollecting the encounter...

Will tell you the rest when I have fully recovered from this strange confounded state.

A Weighty Medicine To Treat You- With Love From Baba

Slight breeze on a Saturday evening seemed like it was going to be a good day when I could finally relax and catch up on the latest that’s been happening around the world. After holding down the abused button of the remote control I ended up on the IBN7 news channel. What I saw there was enough to stir the sleeping temper inside me.

A young man somewhere in his late 20’s christened as the great “sadhu baba” had set up his tent somewhere in the outskirts of Nagpur where people in large numbers had gathered with the hope that he would miraculously take away their trouble and physical ailments. Don’t mistake him to treat the innocent or rather naïve people with any medications. Rather he has an unusual way of treating them including the tiny tots. Let me narrate how he was treating one of them. He stood up with all his weight (don’t ask me how much he weighs dude…he wasn’t standing on me!) on this little infant..yes you read it right…this little baby whose not more than a few months old! Bloody fucked up asshole! ( This is my blog and I have all the right to abuse!)

The poor baby could do nothing but only cry with all his might. It took every ounce of my self control to stop myself from getting into the T.V. and killing this Sadhu with my bare hands …and the realization that I can’t possibly enter into the T.V. or reach Nagpur in a nano seconds! The Baba took no mercy on the helpless baby, neither did the child’s parents nor the crowd standing nearby (they were busy clapping for the brave act that this holy soul ..(my ass)… was performing. The smiling godsend then, as if fully inspired by the crowd chanting his name, shifted his entire weight onto the baby’s knee…ouch!!!!! )

This is one of the numberless incidents that I have witnessed on news this past week. Such incidents are enough to send the rage of the viewer’s rocket high…those who are glued to the television.

This one particular journalist who lives near my house, uhum I mean one of those typical Punjabi aunties who can hardly accommodate herself on one chair and has no other work but gossip the entire day, couldn’t control but pass me on this information that all those who have seen the news are enraged and how most of her friends have been calling a news channel to raise their concern.

I find this extremely surprising. By ‘this’ I mean people calling up some random news channel to voice their so called opinion on such sensitive issues. I’m not referring to the issues raised by India Tv at the late night show with ‘does your wife hate sex’ or ‘should you really use Viagra’ kind of topics. I’m pointing towards topics which are necessary and require an immediate stringent action before they become a permanent stigma for the Indian society.

People can call up some media channel and put across their opinion against such happenings but these are the same people who rely on the ashirwad of the crooks who by wearing a saffron colored long gown and 4-5 bead chains around their neck and same number around their hands can easily make people believe that they have got magical powers.

Why is it that India though a free country fast moving towards becoming a developed nation still has numberless people who are still caught up in the web of superstition? Mind you its not just the illiterate class but also the highly educated filthy rich people who are seen traveling several kilometers just to get a darshan of their selected baba and take his blessings for every new venture that they take up or to seek his blessings so as to help their son get a divorce from his wife so that they can get a bahu who will cook better food than the present one or to get rid of that annoying back pain…reason could be any!

What is the government doing about this rising level of superstition among the people of our country? Not that I have any hopes from them but are they forever going to sit on their asses till the entire nation has a baba’s hand on their head? Why not make these baba’s the president and the prime minister of the country? People seem to have more faith in them than the politicians for sure!

Tried talking to my brother about this…here is the conversation that followed…

I, sitting on the bed about to pounce on the T.V. set shouted “what is wrong with these people? What about the child’s parents? They think that there is some bhoot ka saya on this little kid just because the baby cries the entire day?!” How about changing his nappy!

Then a dialogue comes from my half insane brother “I think you are crazy. Why are you getting so hyper? This is nothing new. It’s been happening since age’s immemorial and will continue. Can you pass me your half eaten snicker?” Crazy pig…can only think of eating all the time…why my chocolate!!!(After a small session of kicks that followed I managed to save my chocolate! Victory has never been so sweet!)

Anyways so what do we do? Sit on our asses and do nothing because it’s been happening since ages. This will continue if we don’t do something now. But what? Make the government sit up and take notice…well if they had this much attention span they would have seen these things happening as they happen right under their noses. The fact is that these crooks actually approach the politicians for taking permission to put up tents and hold their gyan sabha and offer a handsome amount in return.

As they say, at times politicians and nappies both have to be changed…and for the same reason.

Me The Insane One

Finally after multitude days of thinking,rethinking n then re-rethinking...i have managed to start a blog. Phew! Is it always this tough to start something new? Well seems like in my case it is! Love being a typical Libran mostly but it has got big time disadvantages along with it!...Damn ...just the word 'disadvantages' reminded me of 'VoIP'...my office lover! Too much work gets on my head at times...hope my boss reads this particular line..appraisal in a few months time! ;)

Well what took me so long to start blogging had partially to do with the fact that my indecisiveness got the better out of me...couldn't finalize a name for the blog! ...yuck...sounds vela!..Midnight scribble seemed like a perfecto decision since I happen to be a nocturnal bird...8 pm to 5 am is the time when I function the best. Hence the name. If one of my soul mates( read a totally insane person with ample time at hand to waste) happens to read the time this post was published he/she will realize that I'm actually writing in the evening...well well I might just be turning a lil sane after all these years of continuous pestering from people back home and friends.

Ops!Opened my mouth..or rather stroked the keys too soon!I just glanced back at what I have written till now...seems like I'm not so sane!....Anyways who decides whose sane and whose not? Reminds me of this novel I read back at the time of graduation( one of d few i managed to read...rest...hail to my savior Ramji Lal!)...Mrs. Dalloway was d name. Raised quiet a few questions and some got me really thinking...it doesn't take much to make me start thinking by the way...So anyways, back to the question..whose the ultimate deciding factor? Dalloway examined the same question.

The damn society who hides their dirt under their pillows in the morning before they decide to turn into the moral police? Or is it the new age ultra modern father who has no qualms in raping his own daughter? Or is it shiv sainks who think that by creating a havoc on the valentines day, by destroying shops decorated with heart shaped balloons and beating the f**k out of the young couples sitting cosily in a corner of some coffee shop or a garden( our very own buddha garden for one!hehehe) would help somehow miraculously save the 'Hindu Culture' from being lost among the western ethics?

Maybe the people who are tagged as insane have their own world wherein the so-called sane ones are looked upon as insane. Anyone who does something against the nomenclature are termed as psychopath or crazy. Why? Just because they don't agree with the rest of the world? Just because their thought process works differently?

Well if this is the case then I'm proud to be insane! Hail to the mighty insane's around the world!

p.s-The world would be a much better place if we could all just live and let others live happily. Why judge? Follow your heart, your dreams, your aspirations...there is so much to learn...so much more to earn( lolz).
....i know most of you by now are sure that I'm the great one...insane i mean!