It’s been a while and I am not really back on my feet, as yet. THAT is a record in itself…you would know if you knew me. Life is a bloody place…any place…it has roads that take turns and twists and then you take a left only to realize that right was the way to go…Damn!
Don’t get me wrong. I never wished to know the path to my destination; I mean why would I want to know the path when I am clueless about the destination? However, I have this weird habit of knowing where I am headed. Maybe that gives me a sense of familiarity enough or a feeling of having control over things. Now this is even weirder since I like being spontaneous. Like falling in love and then getting to know the real person. Somehow, life has over taken my vehicle…well, I was always bad at driving, wasn’t I?
For once I am clueless about where to go and am looking for GPRS activated road maps but can’t find them. There’s been just so many changes on the path, which were completely out of my control. Like when government finally decides to do renovation of the road that you take to office everyday and that makes you getting stuck in jams for no fault of yours. It feels like the same thing. Now that the road has finally been constructed, I don’t know where to go or which path to follow any more. And what is M-O-S-T annoying is that THIS is not how I, ME, MESH eva felt…this is so wrong! I am always in control and been declared the official agony aunt, the one who knows answers to everything and has sorted her life, knows what to do and does it even when the times are tough. But this is beyond me. It simply is.
Facebook is a farce. Nothing but a farce. A clever disguise I put on each day and put up status messages which are not so much meant for people to think that I am still the same insane devil but it is more an attempt to make me feel that things are still the same; that I am still in control.
Time is running out and I guess that makes me even more nervous. Like, I am getting all lost. Crap. This is so NOT me!
Could there be any which way to bring my life back on track? Maybe I know the answer. But the same thing which I perhaps need to give up is one of the dearest to me right now. The only thing I am hanging onto to stay afloat…just need to figure out if it’s a life-jacket or an alligator pulling me down.
