Enclosed by an unknown darkness
Scared, breathing heavily and watery eyed
I close my eyes
A sudden lurch of heart
Panting like a marathon runner
Struggling to keep up
Fighting against all odds
Dryness fast taking over my mouth
Suffocating, a deep sigh escapes from deep within
Running in the unknown land
Among known strangers
I pace up
The need to arrive somewhere
Where to remains unknown
Tiny droplets of water
Falling in symphony
As I open my eyes, scared
Enclossed by an unknown darkness
Scared,breathing heavily and watery eyed
The void seeps in
Taking over my entire being
As I stand alone
In the midst of known strangers...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
The Unruly Delhi Girls
Fastidious,head strong, cunning, loud mouthed, groovy....Don't worry I'm not trying to remember different words from the dictionary. These words and more ( I can line up a long que!) are ideally used as synonimous with ' delhi girls'. Chances are if you belong to some state other than Delhi you too might have at times associated one of such words or a host of them with delhi chicks( yup..chicks is universally referred to girls but delhi girls have got the privilidge to be solely called as chicks too.).
What inspired me to write a blog was an account that transpired a few days ago. One my of close guy buddies who was looking ...well dishearted finally confessed that his girl friend of barely a year or so is doubting uhumm... my relations with him.
The disheartened guy " yaar...she thinks there is something going on between us. I have tried explaining things to her but to no avail."
Me, completly taken aback, yet trying to act like an agony aunt " oh! why! Didn't you tell her that I'm in a serious relationship for over 3 years now...I'm as good as married for heaven sake! " All right...the line " im almost married" was clearly an exaggeration but 3 years is not a small time frame. Isn't it illogical to doubt someone whose in a long distance relationship thats lasted an eternity? Even if its a long distance relationship?
Anyways, the disheartened guy " I did tell her all that...but....."
Me, now curious more than anything " What did she have to say to that? She doesn't believe that I'm in a relationship or what?"
The disheartened guy " Well...its not that...its just...let it be..."
Me, curiosity taking its toll on me now " Come out with it.Tell me now."
Finally after a round of coaxing that seemed to last till eternity he says" Well she says that she trusts me but not you.She says she doesn't trust 'DELHI GIRLS'."
Well what in the name of the lord did she mean by that! Temper rising inside me as if I was slowly transforming into a lioness...the sharp teeth are on...next comes the edgey claws and voiola! I'm ready to make the kill!
Well I didn't say anything to my already disheartened friend about his disillusioned girl friend. But that really did got me thinking. I have come across couple of other situations where people seem to generalise the 'delhi girls' as being fastidious, clever, cunning and what not! True there are girls like that in delhi...but then aren't these girls in other parts of India too. Fine there number might be more in Delhi but there is a reason for it.
The reason is the society, the people around us and thE way they behave. Delhi girls are judged on everything starting from the way they dress up to the way they speak english to the way they walk to the way they are open about their views to making male friends. If you happen to be a delhi girl and for some unfortunate reason had to visit some other state...god forbid! All my sympathies with you ladies! They are metted out same behavious as is given to foreigners...dupe them, use them and throw them like paper napkins. Thats what the general perception is about them. I think it has got more to do with the fact that they reside in a metropolitan than residing in Delhi.
Did I hear someone say Unity in diversity? Bullshit! When people can't even treat the female crowd belonging to the capitla of the country as equals, who are they to talk about unity?
The way we, the Delhi girls are is due to the exposure of western culture here...No not the exposure to the girls but to the men folk out here. It is difficult for a girl to be docile, meek and submissive ...in short be the haanji ma ji kinds!.... if they want to survive in a state like delhi.
Ever bothered to check the number of rape cases in the capital? Ever faced the ongoing eve teasing while travelling in buses or for that matter even while standing in the balcony of your own house? Life for 'Delhi girls' is not easy. It's about survival of the fittest. You gotta roar to shu away the unwanted people who are there only to create bad news for you.
Anyways whats wrong with the way the delhi girls are? People ( or should i say MCP's...male chuvinistic pigs!) seem to think that they are not lady like. How can you expect a delhi girl to behave like a chandigarh's behnji when the scenario in delhi is completely different and Anywyas who has given the meaning to the word 'lady'? One of my friends have raised 'the lady issue' in her blogs too. I quiet agree with her. If standing up for her rights or speaking her mind is not considered lady like...then be it. I'm elated to be called unlady like!( Though my male friends beg to disagree on this one!)
Delhi Girls...you rock! Keep up the unruly, unladky like behavior!
What inspired me to write a blog was an account that transpired a few days ago. One my of close guy buddies who was looking ...well dishearted finally confessed that his girl friend of barely a year or so is doubting uhumm... my relations with him.
The disheartened guy " yaar...she thinks there is something going on between us. I have tried explaining things to her but to no avail."
Me, completly taken aback, yet trying to act like an agony aunt " oh! why! Didn't you tell her that I'm in a serious relationship for over 3 years now...I'm as good as married for heaven sake! " All right...the line " im almost married" was clearly an exaggeration but 3 years is not a small time frame. Isn't it illogical to doubt someone whose in a long distance relationship thats lasted an eternity? Even if its a long distance relationship?
Anyways, the disheartened guy " I did tell her all that...but....."
Me, now curious more than anything " What did she have to say to that? She doesn't believe that I'm in a relationship or what?"
The disheartened guy " Well...its not that...its just...let it be..."
Me, curiosity taking its toll on me now " Come out with it.Tell me now."
Finally after a round of coaxing that seemed to last till eternity he says" Well she says that she trusts me but not you.She says she doesn't trust 'DELHI GIRLS'."
Well what in the name of the lord did she mean by that! Temper rising inside me as if I was slowly transforming into a lioness...the sharp teeth are on...next comes the edgey claws and voiola! I'm ready to make the kill!
Well I didn't say anything to my already disheartened friend about his disillusioned girl friend. But that really did got me thinking. I have come across couple of other situations where people seem to generalise the 'delhi girls' as being fastidious, clever, cunning and what not! True there are girls like that in delhi...but then aren't these girls in other parts of India too. Fine there number might be more in Delhi but there is a reason for it.
The reason is the society, the people around us and thE way they behave. Delhi girls are judged on everything starting from the way they dress up to the way they speak english to the way they walk to the way they are open about their views to making male friends. If you happen to be a delhi girl and for some unfortunate reason had to visit some other state...god forbid! All my sympathies with you ladies! They are metted out same behavious as is given to foreigners...dupe them, use them and throw them like paper napkins. Thats what the general perception is about them. I think it has got more to do with the fact that they reside in a metropolitan than residing in Delhi.
Did I hear someone say Unity in diversity? Bullshit! When people can't even treat the female crowd belonging to the capitla of the country as equals, who are they to talk about unity?
The way we, the Delhi girls are is due to the exposure of western culture here...No not the exposure to the girls but to the men folk out here. It is difficult for a girl to be docile, meek and submissive ...in short be the haanji ma ji kinds!.... if they want to survive in a state like delhi.
Ever bothered to check the number of rape cases in the capital? Ever faced the ongoing eve teasing while travelling in buses or for that matter even while standing in the balcony of your own house? Life for 'Delhi girls' is not easy. It's about survival of the fittest. You gotta roar to shu away the unwanted people who are there only to create bad news for you.
Anyways whats wrong with the way the delhi girls are? People ( or should i say MCP's...male chuvinistic pigs!) seem to think that they are not lady like. How can you expect a delhi girl to behave like a chandigarh's behnji when the scenario in delhi is completely different and Anywyas who has given the meaning to the word 'lady'? One of my friends have raised 'the lady issue' in her blogs too. I quiet agree with her. If standing up for her rights or speaking her mind is not considered lady like...then be it. I'm elated to be called unlady like!( Though my male friends beg to disagree on this one!)
Delhi Girls...you rock! Keep up the unruly, unladky like behavior!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Steer Away...New Rebel On The Block!
It's almost 5 in the morning now. After my daily midnight tryst with the dog that keeps hanging around in my locality...I should have gone off to sleep like other day but somehow today I just can't seem to even lie down without getting this unexplainable restlessness and heaviness in the brain ( which is far more wierd since i have a serious lack of it!). Even tried listening to all kinds of music from Maroon 5 to 'ahista' by Pankaj Udas to 'sutta' by Zeest to 'tere mere milan' from Abhimaan movie. Finally couldn't help but switch the computer back on to give my thoughts a new form...in the form of words.
There are times when we have everything that we need for a comfortable existence and yet there is a null...a void...that seems to linger somewhere in the background which you are unable to push away from sight. It simply refuses to go. It stays in the background and like a little nagging child( or even an adult! )keeps jumping infront of your other thoughts until you can take it no more. It is times like this that make me realise the true worth of my regular dose of the little black bottle and the wonder drug which evaporates into the thin air in the form of tiny white clouds taking the shape of innumerable little angels...angels for sure...since it takes me to the a different world...one which i call paradise. Paradise it is for sure because I don't need noone there, just me and my solitude and it feels like I have achieved nirvana! Who would have thought achieving nirvana was this simple...So much for the uncountable years of prayer! ;)
I feel a change in me. A definite change. When i say that change is the only thing constant , I'm not stating some unknown scientific funda.Everyone is aware of it. There are times when we realise that we are changing and at other times its more of a slow and subtle change which makes it hard for us to acknowledge the fact that it has taken place..but it does.
This is precisely the 3rd time in my life when i can understand that I'm chaning..and for the better.Isn't change always for the better? Maybe or maybe not. But thats a different discussion all together. So coming back to where i drifted from, what i feel different is that I have become more of a rebel...no not the kinds whose out there to abuse, give a damn about the world and ensure that the world knows about it in half decent clothing kinds!
Im more of a decent rebel. One who wants her freedom and doesn't want numerous questions nagging her all the time. I seem to have become averse to the very sight of a question mark! Notice how many times i use an exclamation...even when there is a need of a question mark! lolz. All i need is to be a free bird who can fly away to whereever she wants. I'm not there to harm anyone. I can never do that. But let me be by myself. Make my own path, follow my dreams no matter how tacky or unachievable they may seem to anyone, do my own thing without fearing about the implications of it. Is that wrong? I don't want to even think if its wrong or not...all my life thats what i have been doing. Weighing everything before even taking a step...I told you being a libran has big time disadvantages.
Coming down to calling myself a rebel. I call myself one simply because I'm tired of trying to live according to the norms set by the so called "society". My life will be lived on my terms...Take it or leave it. Might lose couple of people i care about but I am willing to risk that. For the first time in my entire life ( 21 years is not small deal dude!..ya ya i know you are older than me...is that good? ;) !) I'm not thinking. Those who love me will be with me no matter what anyways...I'm testing you my friend! ;)
I'm driving my own car...enjoying the journey...not following any road map for christ sake!...taking the unknown feared path...the forbidden path ...atleast I will find the answers to everything... after all I have always been inquisitive!
There are times when we have everything that we need for a comfortable existence and yet there is a null...a void...that seems to linger somewhere in the background which you are unable to push away from sight. It simply refuses to go. It stays in the background and like a little nagging child( or even an adult! )keeps jumping infront of your other thoughts until you can take it no more. It is times like this that make me realise the true worth of my regular dose of the little black bottle and the wonder drug which evaporates into the thin air in the form of tiny white clouds taking the shape of innumerable little angels...angels for sure...since it takes me to the a different world...one which i call paradise. Paradise it is for sure because I don't need noone there, just me and my solitude and it feels like I have achieved nirvana! Who would have thought achieving nirvana was this simple...So much for the uncountable years of prayer! ;)
I feel a change in me. A definite change. When i say that change is the only thing constant , I'm not stating some unknown scientific funda.Everyone is aware of it. There are times when we realise that we are changing and at other times its more of a slow and subtle change which makes it hard for us to acknowledge the fact that it has taken place..but it does.
This is precisely the 3rd time in my life when i can understand that I'm chaning..and for the better.Isn't change always for the better? Maybe or maybe not. But thats a different discussion all together. So coming back to where i drifted from, what i feel different is that I have become more of a rebel...no not the kinds whose out there to abuse, give a damn about the world and ensure that the world knows about it in half decent clothing kinds!
Im more of a decent rebel. One who wants her freedom and doesn't want numerous questions nagging her all the time. I seem to have become averse to the very sight of a question mark! Notice how many times i use an exclamation...even when there is a need of a question mark! lolz. All i need is to be a free bird who can fly away to whereever she wants. I'm not there to harm anyone. I can never do that. But let me be by myself. Make my own path, follow my dreams no matter how tacky or unachievable they may seem to anyone, do my own thing without fearing about the implications of it. Is that wrong? I don't want to even think if its wrong or not...all my life thats what i have been doing. Weighing everything before even taking a step...I told you being a libran has big time disadvantages.
Coming down to calling myself a rebel. I call myself one simply because I'm tired of trying to live according to the norms set by the so called "society". My life will be lived on my terms...Take it or leave it. Might lose couple of people i care about but I am willing to risk that. For the first time in my entire life ( 21 years is not small deal dude!..ya ya i know you are older than me...is that good? ;) !) I'm not thinking. Those who love me will be with me no matter what anyways...I'm testing you my friend! ;)
I'm driving my own car...enjoying the journey...not following any road map for christ sake!...taking the unknown feared path...the forbidden path ...atleast I will find the answers to everything... after all I have always been inquisitive!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
An Encounter That Was't Meant To Be...
I have witnessed something that is sure to make anyone go insane...I'm already insane so I'm saved and could therefore give a true narration of this unbelievable account that took place some days ago. It took me a few days to truly believe it for myself that this was for real. STATUTORY WARNING :Read further only if you are not a heart patient, sensitive at heart or are preg.
Like always I was going back home after a day's hard work which was enough to make a pig sweat. pig..salami..mmm..sorry...was about to lose track..focus focus focus here damn it( this is one of the side effects that this strange encounter had on me).So anyways, as i was siting lazily in the cab about to drift off to o my sweet sleep, this wierd looking bird came and perched on the seat next to me. I think it was a bird but can't be sure...it had a definite resemblance to a parrot. One can't possibly miss the big round eyes and the face that seemed to thrust forward from the neck.
I'm a bird lover so in other circumstance i would probably would have felt delighted on seeing one. But this was no ordinary bird. It looked at me with those big round hovering eyes as if about to make the kill. My mind must have given some kind of a signal to the entire body for i unconsciously shifted back..as if I wanted to open the door and run without looking back, my hands flying in all directions...to save my dear life!
Then all of a sudden the pleasant weather began to shift uncomfortably too... clouds started gathering on the darkning sky as if trying to warn me of the bad omen.Mind you this is no 666 omen...I could have handled that..but no this one is far worse. Enough to make the satan sweat...I'm just the satan queen for pete sake!
Help me someone..help...o god...the side effects are making me go dizzy just from recollecting the encounter...
Will tell you the rest when I have fully recovered from this strange confounded state.
Like always I was going back home after a day's hard work which was enough to make a pig sweat. pig..salami..mmm..sorry...was about to lose track..focus focus focus here damn it( this is one of the side effects that this strange encounter had on me).So anyways, as i was siting lazily in the cab about to drift off to o my sweet sleep, this wierd looking bird came and perched on the seat next to me. I think it was a bird but can't be sure...it had a definite resemblance to a parrot. One can't possibly miss the big round eyes and the face that seemed to thrust forward from the neck.
I'm a bird lover so in other circumstance i would probably would have felt delighted on seeing one. But this was no ordinary bird. It looked at me with those big round hovering eyes as if about to make the kill. My mind must have given some kind of a signal to the entire body for i unconsciously shifted back..as if I wanted to open the door and run without looking back, my hands flying in all directions...to save my dear life!
Then all of a sudden the pleasant weather began to shift uncomfortably too... clouds started gathering on the darkning sky as if trying to warn me of the bad omen.Mind you this is no 666 omen...I could have handled that..but no this one is far worse. Enough to make the satan sweat...I'm just the satan queen for pete sake!
Help me someone..help...o god...the side effects are making me go dizzy just from recollecting the encounter...
Will tell you the rest when I have fully recovered from this strange confounded state.
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